Hetalia: Just the Way You Are 7

Chapter 6

Alfred looked at his facebook page in a quiet reflection and was unsure of what to do next. He had changed his status from single to 'in a relationship' with Francis Bonnefoy once more, and he had a stream of comments from it.

Why did you go back to him?

Congrats hun! Xxx

That's amazing; you were such a great couple.

This is a bad choice, what Francis did was unforgivable.

There were mixed feelings between his friends, but a clear side was forming, those against and those for their relationship. However, Alfred himself was unsure of what he actually wanted. At first he wanted to be back with Francis but now he was incredibly unsure, he was still hurt by what Francis had done, and what was there to stop him from doing it again? Alfred's heart ached terribly and his head was torn in two. He looked at the email he had received from Arthur and finally decided to reply to it, maybe Mr. Fancy-Pants Kirkland could help out his situation.

Hey Artie.

I think everyone deserves to be happy; maybe we can help each other out?

You should come to America! You could help me out! Ha ha ha, and you will get to know me, That's the point. I would DEFINITELY want you here Artie, it would be cool. I bet you are really good-looking too ;D

Alfred paused and smiled to himself, he was definitely going to keep that in, maybe it would soften the Brit up a little bit.

A hard time? So are you gay then Artie?

Alfred sat there and realised an odd emotion was rising within him, he was hopeful.

No I have many friends, they all help me out and my dads are totally awesome! So I am really sorry you are struggling over there, remember you can always talk to me Artie. Your online pen pal is here for you. I don't mind when you tell me things that are more private, I think it will make us better friends. I have something I want to say too, it's a little awkward but I guess I need advice.

Alfred proceeded to tell Artie all about Francis and his situation, making sure he mentioned the car accident too, so that he understood where his change of mind may have stemmed from. He really just needed advice from someone who couldn't just look down on him and, after all, Arthur was miles away.

Now, let me finish of with something else less serious. Ha ha ha I am totally not fat! I will but I picture of me on this email, and that will prove to you I am not fat! One day Artie, I will have one of your scones I promise you.

You do so have friends! You have me; I will be your friend. You really worry me Artie, I want you to be happy but some of the things you say make me very sad. I bet you have more friends than you realise, you just have to look harder. I will love you. I will love you so much that you will completely forget any loveless life you may have had. Ok? Good.
Literature? Ha ha ha dude that sounds really dull! But I bet you would be awesome at it, I guess it could be interesting because you probably don't much care for science! So I won't say anything mean about your choices, I think they fit you 'cause you're writing is pretty. Even in a letter.

I MADE YOU SMILE?! Wow that is awesome; I will make sure to do it much more often. 'Cause I bet your English accent is really sexy, I kind of have a thing for accents. You could probably tell because of the Francis thing. I totally think we will be meeting soon. If you needed the money I would be really willing to help you out.

You are too cute, using love like that is absolutely adorable, I don't think I have really heard people use it often. So English! I like reading sometimes too, mind you it is mostly comics so probably not what you are really into. Can you make me something? I think it would be awesome if you sewed something and sent it over, I will draw something for you in return! I am artsy too I guess and I love to draw! This is awesome! We can totally exchange Arty things! Ha ha ha that sounds just like your name, Artie. I love music; it always makes me feel better, but sometimes worse. How about you listen to this song.

Alfred imbedded a link into the incredibly lengthy email and smiled to himself, he was really happy when talking to the Englishman.

What do you mean 'as far as you know you have four brothers', you have to explain to me Artie. Well you should tell your parents to get some free time.

Love, YES ARTIE LOVE, Alfred.

P.s. Was awesome talking to you, make sure you send me a picture of yourself back.

Alfred smiled to himself and sent it back, he hoped maybe Arthur would receive it fairly soon, that way they might have the chance of having a decent conversation. Alfred would love to see what this Brit actually looked like, it made him feel funny inside his belly, he soon realised he was actually starting to like the guy, as a friend of course, and it made him happy.

                                                                 ~o-O-0-O-o~

Arthur woke incredibly early and left Kiku's house as soon as he had put on his shoes, he had his school bag on him so all he had to do is walk to school. He hadn't eaten any breakfast, or in fact any dinner from yesterday. He decided he would find a small restaurant and eat some breakfast, then he changed his mind, he wasn't hungry after all. He walked to school with a scowl on his face as usual and went straight to his tutor room; Ludwig was already there and was incredibly surprised to see Arthur there so early. "Hello Arthur, oh" He stopped and glanced at Arthur's carefully bandaged hand. "It looks like you went to the hospital" He said smiling; Arthur just ignored him and sat at his desk at the back of the class.

When the bell went for the beginning of his lessons Arthur left hastily from the room as he did for each of his classes, trying to beat the bullies to his next class. Arthur arrived at lunch with the same scowl on his face; he ignored Kiku and his friends sitting in their usual space and found his usual seat at the back of the class. By this point Arthur was unbearably tired and the lack of food made him sleepy, he rest his head on the desk and let his eyes close.

"Papa! Papa!" A young child called to a disappearing figure. "Don't leave Papa, I'm right here! You forgot me!" He yelled a little louder. The man disappeared and the boy was left in an empty space, blurred figures passing listlessly ignoring the small figure of the boy. He just floated around aimlessly with not a hope to escape. Voiceless words began to call out to him.

Ever stuck in blackness
No one to stay with me here
Fearing this endless darkness
Walking from me in inconceivable fear
Consumed by a loneliness
A cold emptiness near
My face knowingly odious
Unable to shed a single tear
This world stretching in starkness
How could you leave me dear?

The rain pounding on my head
Mud and water making my body cold
My soul torn leaving not but a shred
I have never felt so unbearably old
My soul seeping an invisible red
The blood flowing uncontrolled
All those hurtful words said
I give up and lose my hold
You walk away from all I've bled
Heartfelt words left untold

The space you left is a gaping hole
I thought would be an endless love
I can't believe I'm losing control!
I used to believe in heaven above
Not now after everything you stole
My heart feeling like a wingless dove
Always broken and never again whole
Much like a lone glove
A broken item you can't console
Thrown away with a nasty shove

I am nothing
You are everything
I feel pain
You feel disdain
I beg you to stay
And you walk away
You're back turned
My heart burned

"My heart burned" The boy said as the words filled his head, he had trusted those people who were supposed to protect him. They were the people he had loved with all his heart, and even now he found it hard to hate them. He didn't think he ever could.

"Don't leave me!" He began to shout. "DON'T LEAVE ME!" He yelled furiously but those ghosts of people he barely knew couldn't hear him, couldn't see him, and couldn't feel the pain they caused.

"Come back!" Arthur shouted he jolted out of his sleep and fell to the floor of the classroom in surprise and shock. Why did that dream have to haunt him even here? The reoccurring nightmare that was an epitome of his troubles in reality, he just wished he could escape as he slept. It just never worked out that way.

"Are you okay Arthur?" Kiku asked from the table, they were all looking at him with those worried expressions and Arthur scowled at them in return.

"Fine, I'm going home" He told them and picked up his bag.

"Uh no Arthur you have classes left. Don't make me give you detention"

"Fine give me detention" Arthur stood up to leave but Ludwig stood by the door with an angry expression on his face.

"You will sit down and I will escort you to your next class once lunch break is over" Arthur looked at him angrily then spat in his face, Ludwig took a step backwards in shock. "Right we're going to the principal"

"Fucking fine!" Arthur yelled and followed Ludwig out of the room. Kiku was looking in horror at what had just happened, he actually spat in Ludwig's face! He couldn't believe he had done something so vile and nasty to a teacher Kiku knew he respected.

"Are we ever going to get through to him?" Kiku asked his friends softly, his eyes were swimming with tears. Hercules smiled at him and looped an arm protectively around his shoulders; he hated to see Kiku so upset.

"Of course we will, I guess he just needs time" Hercules rubbed Kiku's back gently while Gilbert and Yao nodded in agreement.

"What Arthur did was so un-awesome. He deserves to be in trouble, I know he's having a tough time but Mr. Diederich is trying to help him. We all know how worried he is" Gilbert added into the conversation, he was a little disgusted by Arthur's behaviour, they were all trying to help him and he is behaving like a child.

"I hate to say it, but I agree with Gilbert, Arthur's behaviour in unacceptable" Yao added.

"You're still going to help him though?" Kiku asked worriedly, he didn't like Arthur's behaviour either but he still knew his heart was good; he was just being pushed and pulled cruelly.

"Of course we are, we want to get Arthur back, we want to be friends again" Gilbert said grinning. "Then he can start hanging around the awesome me again" He laughed softly with the others and they enjoyed a quiet lunch.

                                                              ~o-O-0-O-o~

Arthur left late from school after having to suffer through an after school detention with Ludwig himself and then being told he was being put onto a report card. Which meant he couldn't just miss lessons if he wanted to, Arthur found himself grinding his teeth. Arthur knew he didn't even need to attend all of his lessons, he was always there for tests and always got straight A's, therefore proving he never fell behind, and his grades were impeccable even if his attendance was so low. It was often why the teachers couldn't call him up on the fact he skived lessons because he was at the top of every one of his classes.

Arthur arrived at the drive way to his house and saw his mother's car in the drive, his heart fluttered in excitement as he ran up the steps to the house. The door was slightly ajar as he reached it and he ran inside with a small smile lingering on his lips. "Mother? Are you here?" He called into the vast house.

"Arthur? Still alive eh? Well good for you, where you been kid?" She asked from the front room. Arthur followed her voice and opened the door wide. A cloud of smoke was emitted thus already staining and stinking up the house Arthur strived so hard to keep clean. 'Was that weed?' Arthur thought to himself, it wouldn't surprise him at all.

"Yes Mother I am still alive, how have you been?" Arthur asked politely as he sat next to his mother, brushing away the crumbs and mess she had left behind.

"Been o'right, only jus got back, dint' I. Jason's upstairs" She told him, carelessly flicking her cigarette smoke onto the carpet, Arthur sat there and watched it begin to stain and mould the carpet, he knew it would take ages to get the stain out.

"How long are you staying for this time? It would be nice if you stayed here for dinner" Arthur told her quietly, he looked across at his mother and sighed sadly. She had aged horribly, her face had become lined and worn and slightly yellowed, most likely from all the smoking she had been doing. Her eyes were red and she had large bags beneath them, her hands shook as she took a drag from her cigarette. His mother had gotten terribly old.

"Well, I'll be here for a week or two this time. So me and you can catch up, can't we kid? We is gonna sell some things and then leave for good" She told Arthur, he froze and looked at the woman who he called mother.

"What do you mean sell stuff? You don't have anything to sell?" He asked her in an even quieter voice.

"The stuff in the house, plus we is gonna heave some stuff to Jason's place" She answered for him, and as she did so Arthur watched her flick her cigarette away from her, it flew spinning through the air and landed on the tiled area by the fireplace. Arthur looked at his mother in disgust and ran from the front room to his own bedroom, he banged open the door and looked at it in horror. His room had been pilfered and destroyed, the posters torn from the walls as though they had been looking for something. His bed frame was gone and his mattress was bare and pushed up against the wall, the computer was gone and the desk was in pieces all around the room. His drawers had been ripped open and his clothes thrown around, Arthur could tell that not all of them still remained.

Arthur walked into his ruined room in complete disbelief; he stood on something soft and looked under his foot, beneath his clean trainers lay a muddy and disheveled toy. A small mint green bunny with wings, Arthur had sewn it himself when he found himself growing lonely and his imaginary friends had begun to fade, this one was the only that remained.  He reached downwards and pulled the ragged thing into his cold hands, cradling it close to himself as his dry eyes looked around his empty room. All the books had been thrown to the floor as the bookcase was removed, he was glad all his books seem to have remained, at least that was something his mother was unwilling to steal.

Arthur thanked the tiny bit of luck he had that his wallet was safe in his locker at school; his cards and money were still safe from his thieving mother. Arthur pulled his mattress away from the wall so it was lying flat on an empty space and found a torn pillow but placed it neatly at the head of it. He found his old blanket that he was given in the hospital as a baby, he wondered why his mother kept it, and lay it on the slightly filthy mattress. Arthur turned back to look at the mess of his room and pulled a tight smile on his face, he staggered towards the pile of books on the floor and began to stack them up in alphabetical order against the wall. Creating a large wall of books at the back of his room, soon Arthur had sorted each of his precious novels into the order he was accustomed to and found he was relaxing.

He picked up all his remaining clothes and found he was left with three pairs of slacks and an old pair of jeans, two old t-shirts, a couple pairs of socks and most of his underwear. They had pilfered most of his wardrobe, he nearly had nothing left. He lay his clothes neatly next to his mattress and found the old broken lamp, it was damaged but worked fine, and he plugged it in and switched it on. Arthur sighed to himself and looked at the rest of the mess in his room, he was far from finished. He pushed all that remained into a large pile in the corner and slowly began to pick through the mess, finding an old bag to put in any rubbish he found. He came across various objects from his childhood, never things he was bought but things he had made and he carefully placed each one into an old shoebox he fixed with tape.

Each of the pieces of his posters he found he would place into a small pile and then would continue to rifle through the pile of mess that was lay before him. So many memories, bitter memories of being completely alone and each of them pierced him violently in the heart.

Arthur looked to the pieces of his posters and slowly and carefully began to tape them all back together, being careful to line them up diligently. Soon all seven of his posters were taped together; they looked worn, old and battered. Not really worth pinning back on the walls but Arthur decided to do so anyway. First he fixed his sex pistols poster to the wall and ironed out some of the kinks as best as he could with his hands, next was a large picture of the Tardis bursting through time and space, Arthur was an avid fan of the Doctor Who series. Another one of John Barrowman as Captain Jack Harkness in Torchwood, Arthur's face heated up and a tiny giggle fell from his lips, he had to admit he had once had a tiny celebrity crush on the man. The fourth poster was a large old poster of the world, a world map he had purchased as a child, a length of red marks lay across the entire thing as he planned out where he would travel and explore. Tiny notes and facts about some of the countries he most desired to go to, some became far more thoughtful as he grew older.

"Arthur" His mother said from the doorway. "Why are you sticking those stupid things up?" She asked him, kicking the full bin across the room as she walked in. Arthur winced with annoyance and pain that she had caused him. All the little things she did seemed much worse than they were.

"I like them, I can keep them can't I mother?" He asked her worriedly, he was afraid she or Jason would come back and rip them down again.

"Well I don't want them; nothing in here is of any use. Just keep it all" She was smoking in his room and it was filling his senses, making him feel sick. "Make us some food for about half seven, we are gettin' hungry" She told him and then left his room once more. Arthur ran to the cleaning cupboard downstairs and grabbed a scrubbing brush and a lot of cleaning supplies, and the air freshener. He stormed back to his room and sprayed the stagnant air with the calming pine scent, and he threw open all the windows to try and rid his room of his mothers nasty smell. He re-picked up the rubbish and tied up the bag this time, and then he looked down at the three remaining posters and decided he would continue in his cleaning process. He grabbed another one with one of his favourite films, the 'League of Extraordinary Gentleman' and tacked it to his wall; the sixth one was a simple poster expressing his love of books. And finally, the fourth picture a large union jack poster with the words 'keep calm and carry on', on it.  Arthur looked at those words, those so very British words and felt his heart fall deeper into an unending emptiness; he couldn't understand why he should carry on. What was the point?

That is what he had been doing all his life, and nothing ever changed.

He grabbed the cleaning supplies and scrubbed the muddied floor until it was cleaner than it probably was before. He left the window open to help the carpet dry and looked at his now very empty room, sighing in exasperation and tiredness; he made his way to the kitchen.

Dinner needed to be served.

                                                                 ~o-O-0-O-o~

Arthur returned to school looking incredibly haggard and he had a bruise on his eye and a cut lip. He walked into Ludwig's roomed at lunch dragging his bag with a sad look on his face, not even his usual scowl remained. He looked at Kiku his eyes were pleading to him and Kiku got up from his seat and ran to him, enveloping him in a tight hug. Arthur didn't move in his hold, he didn't hug Kiku back but he didn't pull himself away, he simply stood there in the soft hug Kiku held him in. When Kiku finally pulled away he looked worriedly into Arthur's eyes and he saw that their usual fighting glare had vanished, it was just a sad emptiness that remained. Arthur moved away and sat at the first seat in the room, looking straight ahead at nothing in particular like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Kiku weakly sat back at the table and lay his head on the desk.

Trying to help Arthur was hard, in some instances he seemed to be getting better, after all he hadn't flinched away from his touch, but other moments seemed to echo the severity of his condition. "Arthur, I am referring you to the school psychologist, we want to try and schedule a session a week. The first one is after school this Friday, is that okay with you?" Ludwig asked breaking the uncomfortable silence.

Arthur nodded.

"I still haven't seen your pen pal reports, have you got them with you?" Ludwig's voice was filled with tenderness and caring, he was trying to ease Arthur into talking. He hadn't said a single word since he had entered the room, which was unusual in itself for the angry child.

Arthur nodded.

He pulled them out of his bag and passed them over to him, they were far lengthier than he had originally believed they would be, Ludwig wouldn't read over them extensively, he only needed to know communication had taken place. He handed them back to him and Arthur dropped them into his bag. "There is something I want to ask you Arthur, it would need the signature from one of your parents, I would like to try and get permission. I was hoping you would enjoy the privilege of partaking in an exchange programme. So you would go to Alfred's home in America and Alfred would come here, would you enjoy that?"

Arthur nodded.

Ludwig was surprised he had said yes, but from the extent of the many emails and letters they seem to have grown closer. Ludwig smiled at the silent Arthur and began to explain the extent of the programme, it would be taking place in a few months, and the cost was a bit expensive but if he needed help then Ludwig would be able to sort it out. However, at this moment Arthur pulled out a check book and gave him the exact amount. Ludwig gaped at it and looked at Arthur questioningly.

"Is this okay to do?" Ludwig asked the boy.

Arthur nodded.

Ludwig felt worried and yet slightly happy, he had found something that Arthur wanted to do, he had agreed so easily that it had surprised all of them that sat in the room. After lunch was finished Arthur left just as silently as he had entered and was gone as though he had never been there. Ludwig looked down at the small photo of Alfred F. Jones and sighed, I wonder if this kid could be the friend Arthur so desperately needed, could Alfred be the hero that Arthur that was so essential for his wellbeing?  Could this be something that would help Arthur?